Below is my Director’s interpretation of the first part of Twelfth Night, Act 1 Scene 5. For a marked-up/annotated script, see here.

Feste and Maria open Scene 5 in what appears to be a variant reprise of the opening of Scene 3. Feste is Toby’s analogue in this scene, but Maria has more of an accusatory feeling towards him than one of affinity. Also, despite their differences in ranks, the biggest difference between Feste and Toby is that Feste is old(er). There is no budding romance between Feste and Maria, and the best that might come out of them might be an alliance in later acts. Feste is jovial, except for his ponderous words alluding to his own death, while Maria is generally scolding him, except when she’s uncertain if Feste is really going to kill himself. (Feste and Maria are old friends.)

Maria: Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will
not open my lips so wide as a bristle may enter, in
way of thy excuse: my Lady will hang thee for thy
absence.

Notice that Maria starts with a much more harsh line than what she said to Toby in Scene 3–which is really only of concern and not as threatening as when Maria tells Feste that Olivia might hang him. She’s both exasperated and frustrated at him for being absent for so long. Feste replies lightly, and perhaps with a faint vigor of a double entendre (a reprise of Toby’s in Scene 3), as reiterates the word “hang”:

Feste: Let her hang me: he that is well hang’d in this world,
needs to fear no colours.

Maria replies asking basically “How,” with a trace of a smile, knowing that there’s a joke to come, and yet she’s exasperated that Feste doesn’t take her threat seriously:

Maria:  Make that good.

Feste replies with heavy words that suddenly change the mood of the scene. Remember, he’s an old clown, and death is something he’s pondered. I’d say, the next line is spoken very gravely. (I also think that this interpretation fits especially well with the current global economic crisis. You’ve probably heard of people who’ve considered death or suicide to avoid their financial crisis — albeit those are usually investors and not clowns! Feste is essentially saying that those who hang, shall have nothing to fear [after].)

Feste: He shall see none to fear.

Maria is provoked into an uneasy reply, accusing him of hearing that from Soldiers, when he’s never encountered Death himself. (She’s essentially saying: “You wouldn’t kill yourself. You haven’t the experience.”)

Maria: A good lenton answer: I can tell thee where that
saying was born, of “I fear no colours.”

Feste: Where good mistress Mary?

Maria: In the wars, and that may you be bold to say in your
foolerie.

Feste catches Maria’s drift - though she sounds like she’s belittling him, he understands that she’s really uncomfortable with the possibility of his suicide. The mood of the conversation becomes light again:

Feste: Well, God give them wisdom that have it: and those
that are fools, let them use their talents.

Maria finds it safe again to emphasize her threat:

Maria: Yet you will be hang’d for being so long absent, or to
be turn’d away: is not that as good as a hanging to

Feste asserts that sometimes dying is better than suffering through a bad marriage, and getting fired during the summer might not be so bad!

Feste: Many a good hanging prevents a bad marriage: and for
turning away, let summer bear it out.

Maria is uneasy again (though the mention of Feste’s suicide is lighter than that first time), “You’re serious!”:

Maria: You are resolute then?

I’ve often seen this as a personal joke between Maria and Feste in their common past (Feste is further trying to comfort Maria)–perhaps, when Feste was younger, he did a trick and his pants fell off. Ideally, Feste would be flexing his suspenders as he says this, waiting for Maria to complete the joke. (Maria is making fun of him, but they’re both laughing together.)

Feste: Not so neither, but I am resolu’d on two points.

Maria: That if one breaks, the other will hold; or if both
breaks, your gaskins will fall.

Feste commends Maria for remembering that common joke from their past. But, he’s old–and he accepts how Maria may feel more affinity for Toby than him. So, he mentions Toby and Maria as eve’s flesh.

Feste: Apt, in good faith, very apt: well go thy way. If sir
Toby would leave drinking, thou wert as witty a piece
of Eve’s flesh, as any in Illyria.

Maria is no longer as angry at him for his absense, and gives Feste advice:

Maria: Peace, you rogue, no more o’that: here comes my Lady:
make your excuse wisely, you were best.

Maria leaves as Olivia approaches. Feste gives his soliloquy, where he sounds uncertain at first about how much his wit can help save him… until he discovers Quinapalus (his infinite ability to pull b/s out of his arse!):

Feste: Wit, and’t be thy will, put me into good fooling;
those wits that think they have thee, do very oft
prove fools: and I that am sure I lack thee, may pass
for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus, “Better a
witty fool than a foolish wit.”

Tags: age, feste, Maria, reprise